we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
