I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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