But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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