i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He passed out mid-signature
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
third nipple confirmed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
