I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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