if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
