i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
