I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
