I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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