I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
