I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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