i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
