I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love you. Go after that dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
