i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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