He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
