Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this just has baby written all over it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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