I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
