he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
