i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize