She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
