My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
