Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
