I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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