I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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