recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
