people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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