I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
