nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
