2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
