I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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