Don't you send me to vm
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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