Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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