didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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