Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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