I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
