I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sex in a hospital.. check
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
