I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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