it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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