We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
