I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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