i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
