the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
