Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
