Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so let's talk penis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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