i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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