He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
