I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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