So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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