summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
