whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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