I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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