how can u be prego again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
