I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
