Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
