I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize