How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
