You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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