I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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