I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
