I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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