My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize