Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
