C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize