Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
