sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
