it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Enjoy the penises
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
