too bad you live with your parents still
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
