youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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