I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
did i just pee glitter
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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