Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
