The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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