Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
